White Side

Oct. 30th, 2010 07:00 pm
tasogaretaichou: (Rukia Strawberry)
[personal profile] tasogaretaichou
Wow, it's really been a long time since I've posted, hasn't it? Well, that's how life tends to be, and writers' block is an unforgiving taskmaster. But to allay that, the last few chapters of Bleach have given me plenty of angsty material to draw from. XD. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks Ichigo is in total denial over everything. Sure, peace is all well and good and normalcy is cool... but there's no way he doesn't miss it, and more importantly, no way he doesn't miss Rukia and all the others from SS. Not to mention I nearly cried over Ru's face when she's fading away from his vision, she looks so heartbroken. Anyway, those sorts of things give my rusted writing gears some fresh oil, so have some goodies~

There is a companion piece to this ficlet called Black Side, that is pretty much the same thing from Ichigo's point of view, and I may even do one from Isshin or someone else's POV to tie them both together, perhaps even something with a little bit from everyone else involved, bc there is no way that those who care about Ichigo -- and Rukia, for that matter -- woudln't notice things and/or be concerned how each of them is taking it. But for now, enjoy the fic.

Title: White Side
Author: Tasogare-Taichou
Fandom: Bleach
Character/Pairing: Kuchiki Rukia, with hints of IchiRuki
Rating: PG
Summary: Rukia hasn’t been back to Karakura in over a year. Or... has she? This is Rukia’s thoughts on Ichigo’s current state.

“Like hell I’d be.”

She’d have been lying if she’d tried to say the words hadn’t cut, hadn’t bitten deep into the emotionless and serene facade that she cultivated so carefully since that day. Since that moment when she’d seen his eyes change, seen the comprehension seep from them as she slipped from his vision, fading away into nothingness as she did to everyone else.

To every other normal human soul.

She’d said farewell, told him to wish the others well, and even then, the words rang hollow in her ears, dropping like footfalls amidst the silence that seemed to permeate everything. Perhaps it had been a blessing then, that his vision had remained clouded, empty. That he hadn’t looked her in the eye as she faded from his sight. That there had been no chance for him to catch the way her teeth caught lower lip just so faintly, the way her eyes shimmered perhaps a slight bit more than normal as she’d swallowed down the pain and the sorrow and watched him move on.

At least... she hoped he’d moved on.

He’d certainly seemed to, taking his life in stride and going right back to his normal routine, but that didn’t mean she didn’t check up on him. Careful to keep out of sight, not from his eyes, but from those eyes around him that were no longer blind to her presence, no longer dumb and ignorant as to the workings of the multiple interlaced worlds.

Because even if he couldn’t see her, they could. And that.... wasn’t what she wanted. Or at least... it wasn’t what she told herself she wanted. And what she wanted... was what was best for him, wasn’t it? This was what he’d always wanted, what -- despite the fact that he’d never voiced it to her -- he’d always strived for and craved.


The return to the simple, contented existence he’d been leading before she had come careening into his life and knocked it so far off-kilter that a mere boy had been forced to become a man before he was ready, that a human teenager should have been forced to fight not only for his own world, but for other worlds as well.

It was unfair, monstrously unfair that he’d been forced to, but... the ultimate unfairness, in Kuchiki Rukia’s opinion... was that she couldn’t feel remorse for it. Not to say that she didn’t regret involving him in her world’s problems -- she did -- but... no matter how much she wished to deny it, she couldn’t lie to herself.

She was glad it had happened, and that soft feeling brought with it stabbing, nausea-inducing waves of guilt. It was wrong, so wrong to be thankful for something that had brought him so much pain and strife, that had nearly killed him on multiple different occasions by dragging him into the forefront of a war that he hadn’t even belonged in in the first place.

Even now, she felt the guilt, the twisting, gnawing ache as she watched him from her vantage point on the rooftops, safe from Keigo’s prying eyes. At least the brunette -- for all his renewed sensitivity -- didn’t know the first thing about sensing or recognizing reiatsu, so she didn’t have to worry about him knowing she was there if he couldn’t actually see her. Ishida... was another story, but she’d already run into the Quincy on one of her many trips back and the only response she’d gotten had been a level stare for a moment before he’d nodded and been on his way. Apparently he either didn’t care... or wasn’t going to interfee.

Violet eyes shifted back to the familiar head of orange hair where he leaned back against the chainlink fence. He’d grown, gotten taller, shoulders broadening out a bit, though she could still see that supple, coiled strength in him. Training as a shinigami had done him a favour, a portion of her brain spoke up, and she bit back the hot flash of jealousy at the realization that she was unlikely to be the only one noticing it.

Tearing her eyes back to his face, she studied his eyes, biting her lip and wincing when she heard him dismiss her so easily. It.... was better that way, wasn’t it? Despite Keigo’s well-intentioned words, this was how she wanted it, and beyond that... this was how HE wanted it. Her presence in his life had been nothing but an inconvenience, a brief surcease from normalcy that he was well glad to be rid of. And.... rightly so.

So... shouldn’t she feel happy?

Rukia thought she ought to, that she ought to feel -- if nothing else -- a bittersweet fondness for the time they’d shared together, and a satisfied contentment that now the boy -- man, he’d grown up too much for her to consider him a boy anymore -- that she’d grown to care so deeply for could now have what he’d wanted so badly. He could have a normal life, a normal future.

A life..... without her.

But if that was the case.... then why did she feel so empty, so.... hollow? Sucking in a deep breath, the petite shinigami stood up, sparing one last glance for the one she’d given her heart to, the one... who would never know how deeply she cared for him. That was why, after all. Why she’d gone to such lengths to break contact, to stay away and not interfere. It wasn’t fair, after all. He deserved that much from her, from all of them. He deserved a normal life, a normal future. A future that didn’t include fighting, risking his life, chasing monsters in the night. A future of life and light and laughter.

A future.... that didn’t include her.
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