Black Side

Oct. 30th, 2010 07:39 pm
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And here is Black Side, the Ichigo POV companion to White Side. If anyone's interested, I chose the titles because I always associate Ru with the colour white and Ichigo with black, and I have noticed that Kubo has a tendancy to do the same so I thought it a nice homage. I will likely do a compliation of everyone else's thoughts on the situation, entitled Grey Side, that is intended to bridge the two together.



Title: Black Side
Author: Tasogare-Taichou
Fandom: Bleach
Character/Pairing: Kurosaki Ichigo, with hints of IchiRuki
Rating: PG
Summary: Aizen is defeated, and everything is back to normal. But is normal really enough? This is Ichigo’s thoughts on his current situation.


“Like hell I’d be.”

The words found their way out, past his lips even though he’d never admit they tasted sour as he said them. But that was the truth, wasn’t it? Everything had gone back to normal, back to the way that it should have been to start with. Everyone in their rightful places, the conduit between the worlds -- at least as far as he was concerned -- closed.

But was that really how it was meant to be?

Of course it was, he told himself, and that was the reasoning he always held onto whenever one of his friends would bring up his days as a shinigami. Whenever they’d bring up her. He always responded the same way, brushed it off with the same flippant lack of concern and reminded them that Rukia was where she belonged, that she was fine that way, and besides... she wasn’t assigned to Karakura so it was stupid to think that she’d stop back by for a visit.

Not as though he’d be able to see her anyway.

It had been harder at first, but then he’d expected that. Harder to get used to the lack of sensation, the knowledge that now he was the one on the outside. The ‘normal’ one. It had been harder still to accept that he was cut off from his friends, cut off from Soul Society.

Cut off from Rukia.

It was stupid to think about it, to dwell on it. He’d expected it to happen, and beyond that, it wasn’t like things really could have stayed forever the way they’d been, right? He didn’t think so, but it was still hard to deny the small portion of his mind that would have liked that. That would have enjoyed spending the rest of his school days walking beside her, that actually... missed the fighting, the hunting.... the comeraderie.

He could still see her face.

She probably thought he hadn’t noticed, she could be dumb like that, but he’d seen the way her eyes had glistened for just a moment before she’d forced a smile and nodded at him. And even through the now-short orange fringe, he’d been able to catch the faint tremor in her shoulders, the way her mouth tightened even as her image swam from his vision for what he knew should have been the last time. The last goodbye.

But... he couldn’t forget it.

No matter what he knew, what he understood, he couldn’t shake that face from his mind, and he couldn’t put aside that one simple fact that nagged at the back of his mind. That fact in and of itself made little sense to him, or at least... little enough sense if he continued to face away from what everyone else seemed hell-bent on reminding him of.

He missed her.

Missed her more than he’d have thought possible, more than he’d even realized -- if the last time they’d parted had been any indication of missing her -- and this time... she wasn’t coming back. But then, that was the way things were supposed to be, wasn’t it? She hadn’t shown her face around Karakura since then, though he couldn’t help but wonder why. Likely, she’d simply decided to move on with her life, move on and let him get on with his. After all, she’d always said how much she regretted dragging him into ‘her problems’. Feh, like he’d ever done anything he didn’t want to do in the first place.

But then, that was the problem with Rukia.

She’d never understood. Never realized that everything he did, every battle he fought and every risk he took... had been his choice. It had been for his family, for his friends, for himself.... and somewhere along the way, it had become about her. About her more than anything else, and the aching sting of regret made him realize only now just how much it had been about her.

He wasnt’ supposed to feel that way.

He’d never asked for this, hell he’d spent the better part of his life looking for a normal life, a life where he didn’t see ghosts, where spirits didn’t bother him here and there and everywhere. And now that he had it... why did it feel so insubstantial? So... lackluster?

It felt..... empty.

Sighing, he pushed away from the fence, nodding to Keigo. It didn’t really matter, did it? She was gone, his shinigami powers were gone, he was.... normal. Just as he’d been before, hell better then he’d been before, and things.... things would keep going that way. He’d fought and risked his life for peace, and now that it was there.... it had been a worthwhile sacrifice.

Hadn’t it?
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